Putting a Check on my Happiness

Caught myself today putting a check on the happiness I was starting to feel and then remembered I don't need to do that anymore. Seems like for the last year and a half every time I'd feel like I was going to have a great day or just had an encompassing sense of joy I'd get notification from home with bad news about my dad. I think that I finally just wouldn't let myself feel happy because it seemed like a jinx. I'd start to feel happy, boom - dad was in the hospital, or had another fall, or more bad news from the CT scan - some bad news of some kind. So I started keeping my happiness in check....like I found myself doing today. But dad is gone now, everyone is healthy and I am looking forward to my first trip home where I don't have to dread what I'm going to find when I get there. Time for finally being able to feel joyous for a change!